Author Archives: thelaissezfaire

Obama Pardons Infamous Ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff, Appoints to Manage Social Security Trust Fund

December 20, 2012 Washington, District of Coercion “Madoff duped a handful of well-off investors…meanwhile the Social Security program is duping generations of all classes of investors…” –Dr. Edward Forsythe At a White House press conference Wednesday evening, President Obama announced he has issued an executive pardon to infamous Ponzi-schemer Bernie Madoff and appointed the convicted […]

BREAKING: Mainstream Media Uncovers Looming “Fiscal Cliff,” Overlooks “Fiscal Abyss”

Mainstream media outlets are now warning of the United States’ impending “fiscal cliff” after months of vigorous investigative journalism and heated legal battles forced the Obama administration to grant a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request for documents detailing federal budget projections. The subject documents, which have been publicly available through the Congressional Budget Office’s […]

Ballot_Box

Lab Test Finds Traces of “Date-Rape Drug,” GHB, on Lena Dunham’s 2008 Election Ballot

A recent Obama campaign ad featuring Lena Dunham, star and head writer of HBO’s hit series, Girls, likening her 2008 vote for Barack Obama to losing her virginity has come under fire as lab results uncovered traces of GHB, commonly referred to as the “date-rape drug,” on her 2008 presidential ballot. The subject campaign ad […]

Bills Klo

Minnesota U.S. Senate Candidates, in Limerick

Limericks for Kurt Bills: There once was a man named Kurt Bills, Who was fed up with Washington’s ills; If elected to congress He’ll undo their wrongness, And return us the rights to our tills. Kurt Bills from the great Minnesota Won’t let spending grow one more iota; When he gets to D.C., He’ll vote […]

First Dog Bo

White House Dog, Bo: “I’m Voting for Romney/Ryan,” An Exclusive Interview with the First Dog

“Look, I know, I know…I’m a dog, and I’m supposed to be ‘loyal’ and all that…I get that all the time, but if you’d heard what I heard, and saw what I saw, you could break from some genetically-predispositioned loyalty to your owner too!” – Bo on the 2012 Election October 9, 2012 – Washington, […]

MN Senator Klobuchar

Klobuchar Eager to Return to Washington to Advance Teen Sci-Fi Romance Debate

“My main motivation this election cycle is winning the hearts of Minnesota voters so that I may return to the Senate chambers and push the key debate that is dividing this nation: Werewolf versus Vampire,” – Amy Klobuchar on 2012 Senate Race. September 19, 2012 – Minneapoleft, Minnesota Incumbent U.S. Senator and teen sci-fi romance […]

Biden Foot-in-Mouth

BREAKING: Biden Rushed to George Washington University Hospital for Emergency Foot-in-Mouth Extraction Operation

“In my 30 years as a practicing podiatric-oral surgeon…I have never faced a more challenging operation [than Joe Biden’s unprecedented foot-in-mouth extraction procedure],” – Dr. Walter Bennett, world-renowned foot-in-mouth extraction surgeon. September 5, 2012 – Washington, District of Conundrums. Vice President and Wilt Chamberlain-caliber gaffe-lete Joe Biden was rushed to George Washington University Hospital early […]

Obama/Geithner

Obama Unveils Plan to Steal Even More Money from High-Earners

“…Nah man…it’s cool, they’re totally outnumbered” – Barack Obama on tax hikes impacting high-earning Americans July 24, 2012 – Washington, District of Confusion. Barack Obama, leader of the once-free world, announced his latest plan to steal more resources from high-earning Americans…er…his 2013 budget proposal. “Look,” began Obama, “my plan will only increase taxes on the […]

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